Hey Daniel, guess what?
by Destroyer Uv Nations
Summary: Vala has a surprise for Daniel and everyone else is the audience.


"Hey Daniel guess what?" Vala calls through Daniel's door.

"What?"

"I'm naked."

"Vala…" Daniel sighs.

"C'mon, get naky too," Vala says.

"Now is not the time Vala, I'm not even sure there's ever a time," Daniel says.

"Aw but Daniel, at least take your shirt off."

Daniel face palms. "Vala, look, you- you're an amazing person and, um, you, uh, look- Vala, I can't just take my clothes off…"

"Sure you can, here I'll help," Vala says. She is now in his room.

"Vala look, I'm reading…I'm doing important things, I'm… Um, wasn't my door locked? How did you…get…in…here?"

"I shot the door down with this giant gun," Vala says. "You need to put your glasses on Daniel, how could you not have noticed?"

"Hmm, you'd think I would have…"

Vala rips Daniel's shirt off.

"Vala! Oh my god I don't-" Daniel trips over a pile of books and hits the floor. His glasses break.

Vala jumps on top of him. "Oh my god Daniel, are your glasses okay?"

"Well if they were, they certainly aren't anymore…" Daniel says. "You see, they were in my pocket…"

"Now how are you gonna see my beautiful naky self?" Vala says.

"Welp, looks like I'm not so time for you," Daniel starts getting up, pulling her up with him, "to get on with what ever it was you were doing before."

"But Daniiiieeellll!" Vala whines. "Oh yes, I was undressing you. Come here."

Jack's standing in the doorway watching. "…Bad time?" He asks. "Looks like she boxed you in with that sentence there Danny boy."

Cam comes in. "Oh god HAVE mercy!" He walks out.

Vala is now trying to get Daniel's pants off.

From the hallway you hear, "Lord Jesus holy light of Heaven help us all!"

"I'm gonna let you two get at it then." Jack leaves.

"You see he knows what's good Daniel, now help me out here," Vala says.

"Vala!" Daniel is desperately trying to keep his pants on.

"Whaaaat!"

Teal'c comes out of the closet. "Am I interrupting?"

"Teal'c!" Daniel exclaims. "Vala!"

"I need help, Teal'c," Vala says.

Jack pops back in. "Yo, forgot to tell ya something."

"Jack!" Daniel says.

"Yeah?" Vala asks.

In the hallway: "Lord Lord Lord! Holy Spirit!"

"What is your mission Vala Mal Doran, I will help you in this endeavor," Teal'c says.

"Thanks, I'm trying to get Daniel's pants off," Vala explains.

Jonas walks in. "Hey guys guess what the weathers-Oh my god I'm sorry."

"Um guys," Daniel says, eyeing Teal'c, "I need a little help in this instance, not her."

"Okay Teal'c, you grab him here and I'll hold here and then we pull," Vala says.

"Very well."

John walks in. "What the frell where am I?"

From the hallway: "Holy water anointed me thy name- holy $ & ! There's another me!"

John notices Cam. "Woah! A clone, who's been cloning me!"

"This isn't my first rodeo buddy," Cam says.

Aeryn walks in. "Um Crichton why are there two of you?" She whooshes out her gun and pokes Cam with it. "Which one's the real you!"

"It's me!" Cam says. "Um Vala clone? What?"

"What?" Aeryn says.

"What?" John says.

"Vala! Oh my god there can't be two of you, pleeeeaase tell me there are not two of you," Daniel says frantically.

"Hmm, I don't think so but you never know." Vala smiles creepily while still trying to wrestle his pants off.

"Vala, there are other concerns here and you're still trying this?" Daniel says.

Vala gives up. "Aughhh fine Daniel. At least you're shirtless and I'm still naky."

"Shall I lift him up for you," Teal'c offers.

"Teal'c!" Daniel exclaims.

"Oh yes that would be helpful," Vala says.

"Teal'c! I almost got her mind off it!" Daniel cries.

"You there, tell me what's going on," John and Cam say in unison while pointing at each other.

"I have no idea where I even am, mister," John says.

"Alright, round two!" Vala says.

"Um yeah, about the weather, we're having a major tornado hail electrical storm," Jonas informs them.

"Perfect fishing weather," Jack says.

"Well, I wouldn't say that…" John says.

Aeryn stares at them.

"Incoming wormhole imminent," the computer says.

"A wormhole!" John says. "Those are dangerous things!"

"It meant the gate is activated, I'll get it!" Jack says.

"Gate?" Aeryn asks, swinging her gun around dramatically.

Jack, it could be dangerous, I'm coming too!" Daniel says.

Vala is clinging to Daniel's pants. "Wait Daniel, we are not finished here!"

"That's why I have this," Jack says, holding up his gun. "And put a shirt on, will ya? Distracting…"

Sheppard and Rodney walk into a gun in their face.

"Ah! Oh uh," Rodney says.

"Well hey there," Sheppard says. "Thought we'd swing by."

"Swing by…?" Aeryn asks.

"Yep, just swinging on through," Sheppard says.

"Just keep swinging, just keep swinging," Jack chants.

"I coulda used one of these wormhole gate things," John says.

"I need to get a new shirt," Daniel says.

"You were careless with your property Daniel Jackson," Teal'c says.

"Yeah, he broke his glasses too," Vala says.

"I see…" Jack says. "And you don't"

"Jack, enough with the bad jokes please," Daniel says.

"Why is there a naked woman," John asks.

"Why indeed," Teal'c adds.

"This sorta thing kinda just happens around here, man," Cam says.

"Ah," John says. "…not that it doesn't happen on my ship…"

"Well, heck ya."

"So Teal'c you still helping or not?" Vala asks.

"I will continue to assist." Teal'c lifts Daniel up.

"Teal'c, do you even know why you do what you do sometimes?" Daniel asks.

Teal'c raises an eyebrow. "Indeed."

Vala pulls Daniel's pants down.

"Aahhh!" Daniel cries.

"Geez," says John, watching from a distance.

"I didn't know you were a stripper, Daniel," Jack says.

"Jack!" Daniel exclaims.

"Who wants pizza?" Jonas says.

"Oh yeah, I've missed pizza!" John says.

"Are there lemons?" Rodney asks.

"Rodney…No, cuz it's definitely lemon pizza," Sheppard says.

"What's pizza?" Aeryn asks.

"Oh my god someone get some pizza into this woman, shame on her!" Cam says.

Aeryn aims her gun at Cam.

"Oh $%&#!"

John takes the gun away. "Aeryn it's just pizza, chill."


End file.
